Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Life So Far



                 Its been a long time. All I can say is that I have lost a bit of my pull to write. I have not felt well in a long time. I went to the doctor several times and they would find nothing.

Oh, believe me I was grateful that there was "nothing" to worry about, but still I suffered symptoms. Doctor said had it was all a part of growing older.

"Maybe if you lost a little weight"
 Image result for chubby woman cartoon 
the doctor said after she stated my pain was a bit of arthritis,  And that should have been true. I am a bit overweight. Two years ago I spent the summer in pain from a swollen knee. There was no accident that preceded it; no known knock or even a ping. One day I woke up with a swollen knee and it was so painful. The pain lasted all summer. Then it was fine again.                                      

I would complain of fatigue over and over again and I sometimes would just try to power through only to be overtaken by incredible tiredness just a short time later. My husband would find it hard to understand how I could be fine one minute and bone tired the next.

Earlier this year I experienced a headache that lasted a week.

It was unlike any headache I have ever had before.

It was like an electrical shock every few seconds and it hit the exact same spot in the back of my head;  over and over again...24 hours a day for  a week.


I have gone countless times to the doctor and have had countless tests.

I went again.

This time my doctor sent me to a neurologist. It was hard getting an appointment so i made the appointment with the first available doctor.

I'll call him Dr Ouch Mcquackers
                                          Image result for quack doctor
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Because he caused me more pain than I came in with.

He ordered all the necessary tests.

MRI

Brain Scan

EMG... a very uncomfortable ( OK it freakin' hurts) test on nerves. The sensation was very much like the sensation you get when you hit your funny bone...over and over again. They start off with a soft shock and increase it in the same spot. Then they move on to another nerve.....you get the picture. Your arm moves uncontrollably and my only regret was that it didn't jump up and slap that instrument right out of the Tech's hand.

I also had a sonogram of the arteries in my neck

And finally... more specific blood tests.

I went back to the doctor after they received all the results.

Everything came back normal.

Now that news should have made me happy. I am a cancer survivor and every time I go to the doctor for any type of tests that little cancer voice always says " I could come back you know".

But there was nothing

So I ask the doctor..." Well, why then do I have all these symptoms?"

He answered " I think its a pinched nerve in your neck"

"But I have full range in my neck. How could I have a pinched nerve if my neck does what its supposed to do"

Now this part I don't understand and if it wasn't for my Husband sitting right there I would have thought I imagined the whole thing.

After I said that I had full range and currently no pain in my neck...The doctor simply got up and walked over to me, pressed the sides of my head full force and asked " Does that hurt?"
I cried out in pain and my husband jumped up in a protective reflex instinct. " What are you doing!"

Dr Ouch prescribed some pain killers and suggested I come back for acupuncture.

Don't hold your breath Dr Ouchie.

Yada Yada Yada

I got the records of my tests and never went back.

A week later, Dr Ouch's nurse called me and said that part of my blood test had taken longer that the other parts of the blood tests and it turns out I had LYME Disease.

LYME? but how? I don't remember getting bit by a tick. I immediately got on meds and then made an appointment with a specialist.

I'll call him...Dr Oldie but Goodie.

He was kind and understanding and actually listened to all of my complaints. He ordered more tests to make sure the last one was not a false positive.

A week later I went in for the results.

He said that indeed I had contracted Lyme's disease ....sometime in my life.

Wha?

He said that he couldn't tell if I had contracted it in the last few years or decades ago.

decades....

Dr Oldie but Goodie said that somehow my body beat it, but apparently recently something happened  because my immune system probably didn't go back to a resting state. In a sense it still thinks its fighting something and is sort of attacking itself.

I will test positive for Lyme for the rest of my life, and now because of it (or some other thing my body is responding to) I have fibromyalgia.

I found out that Fibromyalgia is not only pain but it comes with other symptoms like fatigue and stomach issues. Its affecting my eyesight and I have had occular migraines which are very scary because they start with me feeling like I'm looking through broken glass or a kaliedascope. Very very strange.

There is also another symptom...I forget.
There have been times when I look at a person I have known for years and cant remember their name.  The morning of my appointment with Dr Ouchie, as I filled out forms , I forgot how to write my address. For at least 20 seconds or more I could not figure out how to write it. I think that is the scariest symptom of all. It doesn't happen often, but when it does It unnerves me and saddens me so much.

Dr Ouchie found no evidence in my brain for Alzheimer's

Still, I'm trying to get used to all this and realized OK, This is new and frustrating and painful, but somehow I still have to get things done. So it takes me longer.

I also have realized that not everyone is going to understand how one minute I can be fine and the next be dead tired or in pain. Some days the pain is relentless, but I tell no one. I don't want to be that person who complains about her ailments every single minute of the day.

Lastly, I am trying to make plans and trying new things. I have to.

 i have to have something to look forward to.

I went climbing/zip lining with my family... I of course was on the baby course frantically trying NOT to fall from a height that I could probably easily jump from. While my kids were high in the trees in the expert courses, The hubster stayed with me.

I recently went back to my doctor for my yearly physical. She said " Hmmm, sometimes depression sets in as pain. I can prescribe an anti depressant. I told her "I'm not in pain because I'm sad, I'm sad because I'm in pain"

It does get to me that even though I have two expert doctors that say yes, there is something wrong here, but we don't exactly know what it is; my primary Doc, (who I like by the way) believes essentially that its all in my head. That is the most frustrating part of this all....trying to convince them...I'm in pain and the pain is real.

I have to make more appointments, see more doctors and explain all over again.

I'm so tired of all that.

But what else can I do?

I have started making plans and setting more goals for myself. I feel accomplished when the smallest errand gets done 'til completion. I feel antsy and do not want to wait for adventures...I want them now. I feel like I'm in a race, but who am I racing against?...I do not know.

All in all, I am moving,

                      I am breathing,

                            My family is healthy

                                 There is food on the table and we have a roof over our heads.


Life so far....I'm here.  
















Saturday, March 02, 2019

Artsy Fartsy Friday ~~~Stop Motion~ ParaNorman | Building Characters

               
I LOVE stop motion animation . The only thing I LOVE more is the behind-the-scenes peek at how stop motion is made. Today I have found a peek for you! The movie is ParaNorman and the way they create this movie and characters is insanely, incredibly AWESOME! The only thing better would be to be on the set of one of these movies.....

                          So if someone out there is working on one of these masterpieces, I promise I would be as quiet as a mouse...just put me in the corner and let me stay to watch the magic....please!



                        ENJOY...

             
                             Uploaded to YouTube by LAIKA Studios


         Hope you enjoyed your "peek" and it made you feel that childlike curiosity and wonder again!



           Blessings, Joanne




Sunday, February 24, 2019

Perfect Moment





             Well, sometimes ...sometimes you have that perfect moment. 


                                  

       Image result for perfect sunrise
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                    They are rare, but when they happen they are magic

                                                 
                Image result for aurora borealis and shooting star
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You pray and your prayers get answered
                      
You hope and hope turns into a dream come true

You realized that you have been holding your breath with anticipation and finally you can breathe again.

My Son....

He has worked so hard.

He has always had an uphill battle with school.

Nothing, and I mean nothing ever came easy for him.

And sometimes, when he worked his hardest...it often was not enough.

There was never a straight line between points a and b for him.

But he has never ever given up.

He was knocked down so many times and each and every single time he would get up and start over.

He has the kindest heart and prays for others...even those that have wronged him.

He has a laugh that makes me laugh and has an empathetic, sympathetic nature that touches the hearts of those who know him.



So it was my honor and privilege as a mom to tell him the other day that the news of his acceptance had come and that he was going to the College that he dreamt of attending.

He yelled with such Joy and he thanked God and nearly cried with happiness and relief.  

You did it My Sweet Son David. 

I am so very proud of you.

                               and thank you God for that perfect moment


Tuesday, February 19, 2019

College Response...YAY or NAY




                    I'm sitting here a little breathless and feeling a bit paralyzed with anticipation and fear all at the same time.


A week ago my son went on a college interview. He says it went well and the interviewer seemed pleased with his answers. My son was told that he would know as soon as the next day but definitely within 7 days.


                              It has been 6 days


                              In total my son has waited months and months

                              My son wrote my e-mail down as point of contact, so everyday, every ding my computer or phone makes I think....maybe.


                              Everyday when he walks in the door he looks at my face to see if there might be a hint of a result received.


                           
                              Everyday I have to tell him no.


                              Today is the 6th day since the interview. Does that in itself mean that he didn't get in? And if that is the case...why not tell him right away?

Does this wait mean that he DID get in?

                            Does this worrying mean that I'm finally losing it? Just trying to look calm so that my son doesn't feel any added stress (piled on top of what he feels right now) is making me feel like a ticking time bomb of nerves.

 I'm guessing that when and if this answer comes I will know the very limits of this anxiety ridden impatience.


                                                       I need to RELAX
                    
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Saturday, February 16, 2019

My Daughter's Broken Heart




                    So my Daughter's boyfriend broke up with her...day after Valentines day after standing her up ON Valentines day.

Oh, he's a peach
arielle kebbel eye roll GIF by NBC


Needless to say she is heartbroken


Now, as a mom when you hear your child so upset and you can literally feel her pain what do you do?





What I wanted to do was go there and gently talk to the guy and ask him why he felt the need to hurt her in that way....yea, just talk...




                       bitch slap slapping GIF



I wanted to drive the 5 hours to her school and sit with her and be her comfort 
big hero 6 friendship GIF by Sky
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But she's no longer a little girl. She'll be 21 soon. She didn't want me to drive there. We talked for a while and somewhere I remembered an article that stated that a parent dealing with this situation should never say bad things about the child's EX boy/girlfriend (in case they get back together then you'll be the bad guy because you said all these awful things).


OK, I failed big time with that rule because I think I hold the record now for saying the word 

Image result for animal ass cartoon +   Image result for hole...in a single conversation
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By the end, she chose to spend the night at her girlfriend's and I'm sure they were a great comfort.
hug gif GIF
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As for me I'm still getting use to the fact that I can't swoop in and fix things for her. This is something that she is going to have to hurt through.



...but she knows I will always have her back....
and no matter what,  she just has to say the word and I'll be there
big hero 6 friendship GIF by Sky
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