Thursday, December 15, 2016

Time For a Change

                Alrighty then. As I wrote in my last blog post..I'm going back to blogging.

I also wrote that I am working on my health issues; mainly my weight.

About a month ago I attended a family birthday party, then someone thought they would be funny to mention my weight gain by asking.."You pregnant?" and tapped my belly.
                                      Image result for shocked face meme
I was mortified. My weight gain has been a source of angst for me. I wanted to have a good time that night, but I felt like I was under a microscope. Earlier that evening I picked out a blouse that I thought would sort of hide my weighty faults. I guess it didn't work. When it came time for dinner I put very little on my plate and all night fought tears as others enjoyed themselves.

I forgave the person who said the idiotic comment, (He's Old) but the sting of his "joke" hurt for days...and if I'm honest...still.

As a teen and up until my thirties I was very very slim.

Even after I had my first child I lost the weight rather quickly. I figured out that breast feeding really helped with the loss of the extra pounds. The  OBGYN I had then strongly suggested that I wear a spandex girdle to encourage everything in my belly area to go back into place. It worked!

Two and a half years later I was pregnant again. This time I gave birth to a much bigger baby and for some odd reason I decided not to wear a girdle. BIG mistake. I went back to work 7 weeks after my son was born, so breast feeding was more difficult and ended sooner than with my daughter.

After I turned 40 the pounds started to gradually pile on. In the last two years My Doctor has commented on it over and over again. She was kind though, but ugh I hated getting on that scale.

Even so I still felt I could pull it off....

                      Until this past year.

 Clothes have become so uncomfortable! Going shopping has turned into something I DREAD. Jeans fold over and let my muffin top hang out. Blouse sleeves tighten and squeeze my upper arms. If I run everything jiggles and bounces and trips up my rhythmic flow.

I dread seeing people I haven't seen in a while because as much as they don't want to react....they do. I'm like that TV cop that looks for Micro facial changes that would indicate proof that they think me a big fluffy blob.

Most try to just stare at my face avoiding the whole flabby body 
                       Alba's crazy eye

Their slight twitchy eye means "Sheeeeeez, Joanne has gotten big!"
The slight frown after a smile would say "Holy Fa molies! she's HUGE!"

The reddening neck would say "Quick, what can I say that's positive?"

My energy and mood have been super low, and the clincher (as I wrote in a previous post) was the bad results from my medical physical.

I am now 53 years old and I have been saying I'm going to lose the weight for years and years.

So recently I said "ENOUGH!"

I downloaded an app to my phone. It's one of those apps where you list everything you eat during the day. You can even scan the bar codes of items and it will give you the calories and fat per portion. I know I should be able to do this on my own , but for some reason seeing it there on my phone really keeps me in check.

I've stopped drinking sweet drinks like soda (except for a juice once a day) and just drink water or seltzer.

Portion control and watching my fat intake (and especially cholesterol) will inevitably help with this process. Its not going to be overnight, but I will lose the weight if I stick to a healthy plan.

And one more thing...juicing. It really works to curb the appetite and give me that needed energy mid-day. 

I'm off to a good start, but if anyone jokingly ever asked me again if I am pregnant...I might bop them in the head and say

                "Oh sorry, it must be those raging pregnancy hormones"

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Back to My Happy Place

           OK, Taking a little too long of a breather

                       Will I ever write anything again?

                                Have I let "Life" tackle and keep me down?

                                        Has my Mojo abandoned and kicked me to the curb?

When no one I knew read my blog...I sat down tirelessly everyday to write and write. It was awesome to have comments from bloggy buddies and others who did not know me. They came back often and I visited them.

Something happened though when others that I knew in person found my blog.

I started to feel a bit cautious and exposed...weird right?

The blog was "taking too much time" Husband would say. Writing here was my release from the push and pull of the day. I went from HAVE TO to WANT TO as I put the stress behind me and wrote away on my slow computer. He didn't understand...but as he complained I started to feel a time crunch.

Some would stop by and didn't agree with what I was writing....

      ...  AND?

Some, (when they found out about my blog) never bothered to read it at all. If I must be honest I don't know which bothered me more.

When I was hidden behind just my first name I felt a freedom and joy that I hadn't felt in a long time when it came to writing. This blog was my own little space and no one else's. The rules were mine to follow and change at MY will. It was important to me; and because it was important to me I thought people would understand. The only ones who did were the bloggers who also found their happy Writer's place in their own blogs.
                           Image result for bloggers

This year was a tough one.

Both my In-laws suffered life threatening illnesses which have left them both in need of nursing care that stay throughout the day. My own Mother needs constant care and attention. My daughter graduated and is now attending her first semester away at college. I miss her.  My stress, sadness and a bit of loneliness has kept me from this little blog. Too many changes in such a short amount of time has really given me a one two punch.
                                         Image result for knocked out cartoon

I guess the clincher was about a week ago when the doctor called about my annual physical....Cholesterol was HIGH

Um, maybe my test was switched with someone else's?

 She mentioned my weight gain

                    how dare she!

I have got to change this. I cannot change anything until I change myself.

So the very next day I started. I've changed my diet. (OK, I cheated last night...It was the annual Church Women's Christmas party)

I'm countering the fatigue that I feel with juicing once a day.

This week I will be starting an exercise routine.

Oh, and I'm going back to blogging....I don't give a damn what people think. I'm getting my Happy place back

With all these changes in my life there plenty to write about.