There isn't any.
Wow, that's the shortest post ever.
WAIT...That can't be it.
I mean, I'm *&%*&^ years-old, but I'm still a girl. I want to feel pretty. And you all out there...You're %$#* years-old and want to look and feel pretty too right?
When was the last time you went out there and bought some pretty lingerie?
And I'm not talking something completely useless and comical.
remember when you were younger? and thinner? and curvier? and less jiggly?
remember the lacy little numbers that made you feel like the prettiest and yes sexiest girl around?
remember matching bra and undie sets? The kind that when you got to work you kind of smiled all day and knew that you held a saucy little secret under that demure blouse and skirt?
and you knew in case you got into an accident you would not shame your mom by wearing a holey bra kept closed by a safety pin.
OK, I may have a concussion and broken leg....but I'm wearing a sweet matching bra and panty set!
"Why hello DR. McSingle."
What the heck happened?
LIFE.... that's what.
Kids came along and instead of spending lotsa buck-a-roos on a bra....you thought it wiser to spend it on Huggies.
The shopping spree that ended with the cute sales girl presenting you with a chic little pink box wrapped in a bow and placed gingerly in a sweet pink bag that could be mistaken with a designer purse
has now been replaced with a mad dash to Walmart to get a pack-o-panties and a wait on line while you challenge the sales girl to double check the price..
"I tell ya they're 5.99 not 7.99!"
Ahh how times have changed.
The pretty little lace underwire bras that were purchased for the sole purpose to lift the "girls" and give the allusion of a cleavage
have been replaced with thick contraptions whose sole purpose is to keep the "girls" off your knees.
and don't get me started on the thongs....
those little frilly dental floss-looking things....made to avoid pantie lines.
they should be used to interrogate suspects...
"Tell us where the money is Harry, or else....
...you'll have to wear...THIS"
" OH NOOOOOOO!"
...anything but the thongs!!!!!!"
While looking around for pictures of lingerie that were both pretty and appropriate for the older woman I began to see a pattern...It was either a picture like
A coquettish older woman in thigh highs and garters
Dear Lingerie Makers,
Can we please have pretty everyday undies that are neither tent-like or make us look like a street walker?
Seriously, a garter belt would be a bit bumpy under my jeans.
And women in their late forties and fifties like colors other than beige and white did ya know that?
...and another thing ..can you make them so that a bank loan would not be needed to purchase a set?
...and if you make bras with extras like padding and gel inserts ...why not one that can store coupons and can go online ...to pay my bills and check on Pinterest? Just putting it out there.
....can you make panties to cover stretch marks from pregnancies and help stabilize the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly and still be pretty?
Can you make them to cover the butt...the whole butt...and nothing but the butt?
If you can do that we ( the millions and millions of women over 50) would greatly appreciate it.
I'm still a girl...just a bit older.