It's Like a Bad Dream

                      Hi to All,

                      I am praying all of you are well and safe.


                      Surreal... isn't it?

                      Like a bad dream


  When we were all celebrating the new year never did I think that the whole world would be in the grips of this thing, this virus.


I am not going to go into describing how bad it is, because everyone knows. Here in NY things seemed to have changed overnight.

Even though I know I have to stay home, I can't really. I have a mom in her eighties and she needs me to do a lot for her. I want more than anything to bring her home to stay with me, but since my husband is considered an essential worker....I don't want to take the chance of her being exposed in my home. So I wipe down her groceries and I pray that whenever I enter her apartment I am not bringing the virus in with me. 

I guess what has surprised me the most is the constant knot in my stomach.
Even during hurricane Sandy and Katrina, we could move to safer ground. We could move to a place where there was no danger if we needed to or were forced to. 
With this there is nowhere to run. Everyone in the world is dealing with this.

Here in New York we are on lock-down sort of speak. I live on Long Island so it is a bit better than the city. There's a bit more room and not as crowded. Every time I have to go to the store the tension and fear is on everyone's faces. People keep their distance and no one talks to anyone. I try to smile at people even though all I want to do is run out of the store, but I make it a point to look at people and smile. 

We need smiles

We need to feel a bit or normalcy

We need love and a smile says..."Hey, It's ok. You're going to be ok".

we need to pray.

pray hard.

shout it out loud

I look forward to every Sunday as my family and I attend our church online.

There, on our screen are our friends playing their instruments and a bit later is our pastor giving us encouragement with God's word.
I always feel better.
Our church is a "Huggy" church.
We give hugs freely and often. I miss those hugs and I miss giving them.

Many of my friends are hospital personnel and I worry for them too.

If you are living in one of the places where it hasn't hit hard yet...please take heed. Make sure you have what you need for a couple weeks stuck at home. I would say save a bit more than that quite frankly....

If you can't find stuff like purell or hand sanitizing wipes...don't panic. The virus has a fat coating that is washed away from good old fashioned hand-washing. Remember those commercials where it shows Dawn liquid being used to clean off oil soaked wildlife?

Don't touch your eyes, face, mouth when you're out or until you can wash your hands.

When you go food shopping clean and disinfect half of your kitchen table. The other half will be considered "dirty". The dirty side is where you will put your groceries and wipe them down with disinfecting wipes or if you don't have that... wash the containers off with dish soap. Dry them with a clean paper towel or super clean towel. place the now clean container on the "clean" side of the table. I open potato chip bags and fold over the top a couple of inches. Then I take a gallon sized baggie and pour the chips inside. Even if the sides of the bag touches the baggie....its ok, remember you have folded the sides over.

When all are clean, put everything away and clean off the "dirty" side of the table. Cloth bags are great because you can simply throw them in the wash. After that wash your hands and relax.

Whenever a person comes in from outside, wipe down the door knobs and make sure the first thing they do is wash their hands.

Have them take off their shoes at the door and put their clothes directly into a laundry bag or better yet right into the washing machine.

Don't listen to the news all day. It will only bring you down. Listen, for a few minutes then turn off the TV or watch something that brings you joy. For me ( believe it or not) it's the Andy Griffith show. I have many many episodes on my DVR and everyday I watch one or two.

I started painting again and I'm working on a new idea for a youtube channel. We shall see what happens.

My best friend sent me these three books and I can't wait to start them.
                          

It's a collection of fairy tales but with a twist. I think they are meant for a much younger reader but you know what? I need to escape reality for a bit.

I guess that's it for now.

I'll be praying for each and every one of you and if you can please pray for those who are in the grips of this horrible evil thing. Over and over again (in the bible) God heard the cries of HIS people. Lets humble ourselves before HIM.

Be Safe and Healthy
Blessings, Joanne

His First Road Trip

So my son is going on his first unchaperoned "Guy's road trip".

Let it be known that I, Joanne (AKA nervous Mom) was never on board with this stupid stinkin' idea.

He's 18

Leaving in the middle of the night

Going out of state

to go snowboarding

(He's never gone snowboarding before)

In a huge truck

I HATE this stupid stinkin' idea

I HATE the fact that both my kids are old enough to do these things on their own and to top things off the HUBSTER is on board with the STUPID STINKIN" IDEA.

All I know is that my son just left and its 3:30 am and I'm up and The Hubster is fast asleep.

I feel like slowly pushing him off the bed until his snoring body hits the floor!

OK, Listen up people...I know that my son is old enough to vote and fight for his country ( though I doubt the armed forces would take a kid who needs three alarms to get up in the morning and still I have to yell for him to get the heck out of bed!!! Tuition is 40,000 a year and heck yeah I'm going to yell! But I still see him as teeny tiny and needing to hold my hand.

So my son is off and I worry about ever possible scenario.

                              Drunk drivers


      
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                                                           Speeding
                                        
                                         

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                                                 Bad Weather
                                                   
                                                         
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 And Shameless Hussies 
                                                                         

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So as you can tell, I don't particularly like this new stage in Momhood...and if I were to be graded...I'd get an "F" for being uncooperative, talking too much and not playing nice. I need detention...that's right put me in a quiet room where all I have to do is read or sleep.....heaven.

Life So Far

                 Its been a long time. All I can say is that I have lost a bit of my pull to write. I have not felt well in a long time. I went to the doctor several times and they would find nothing.

Oh, believe me I was grateful that there was "nothing" to worry about, but still I suffered symptoms. Doctor said had it was all a part of growing older.

"Maybe if you lost a little weight"
  
the doctor said after she stated my pain was a bit of arthritis,  And that should have been true. I am a bit overweight. Two years ago I spent the summer in pain from a swollen knee. There was no accident that preceded it; no known knock or even a ping. One day I woke up with a swollen knee and it was so painful. The pain lasted all summer. Then it was fine again.                                      

I would complain of fatigue over and over again and I sometimes would just try to power through only to be overtaken by incredible tiredness just a short time later. My husband would find it hard to understand how I could be fine one minute and bone tired the next.

Earlier this year I experienced a headache that lasted a week.

It was unlike any headache I have ever had before.

It was like an electrical shock every few seconds and it hit the exact same spot in the back of my head;  over and over again...24 hours a day for  a week.


I have gone countless times to the doctor and have had countless tests.

I went again.

This time my doctor sent me to a neurologist. It was hard getting an appointment so i made the appointment with the first available doctor.

I'll call him Dr Ouch Mcquackers
                                          
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Because he caused me more pain than I came in with.

He ordered all the necessary tests.

MRI

Brain Scan

EMG... a very uncomfortable ( OK it freakin' hurts) test on nerves. The sensation was very much like the sensation you get when you hit your funny bone...over and over again. They start off with a soft shock and increase it in the same spot. Then they move on to another nerve.....you get the picture. Your arm moves uncontrollably and my only regret was that it didn't jump up and slap that instrument right out of the Tech's hand.

I also had a sonogram of the arteries in my neck

And finally... more specific blood tests.

I went back to the doctor after they received all the results.

Everything came back normal.

Now that news should have made me happy. I am a cancer survivor and every time I go to the doctor for any type of tests that little cancer voice always says " I could come back you know".

But there was nothing

So I ask the doctor..." Well, why then do I have all these symptoms?"

He answered " I think its a pinched nerve in your neck"

"But I have full range in my neck. How could I have a pinched nerve if my neck does what its supposed to do"

Now this part I don't understand and if it wasn't for my Husband sitting right there I would have thought I imagined the whole thing.

After I said that I had full range and currently no pain in my neck...The doctor simply got up and walked over to me, pressed the sides of my head full force and asked " Does that hurt?"
I cried out in pain and my husband jumped up in a protective reflex instinct. " What are you doing!"

Dr Ouch prescribed some pain killers and suggested I come back for acupuncture.

Don't hold your breath Dr Ouchie.

Yada Yada Yada

I got the records of my tests and never went back.

A week later, Dr Ouch's nurse called me and said that part of my blood test had taken longer that the other parts of the blood tests and it turns out I had LYME Disease.

LYME? but how? I don't remember getting bit by a tick. I immediately got on meds and then made an appointment with a specialist.

I'll call him...Dr Oldie but Goodie.

He was kind and understanding and actually listened to all of my complaints. He ordered more tests to make sure the last one was not a false positive.

A week later I went in for the results.

He said that indeed I had contracted Lyme's disease ....sometime in my life.

Wha?

He said that he couldn't tell if I had contracted it in the last few years or decades ago.

decades....

Dr Oldie but Goodie said that somehow my body beat it, but apparently recently something happened  because my immune system probably didn't go back to a resting state. In a sense it still thinks its fighting something and is sort of attacking itself.

I will test positive for Lyme for the rest of my life, and now because of it (or some other thing my body is responding to) I have fibromyalgia.

I found out that Fibromyalgia is not only pain but it comes with other symptoms like fatigue and stomach issues. Its affecting my eyesight and I have had occular migraines which are very scary because they start with me feeling like I'm looking through broken glass or a kaliedascope. Very very strange.

There is also another symptom...I forget.
There have been times when I look at a person I have known for years and cant remember their name.  The morning of my appointment with Dr Ouchie, as I filled out forms , I forgot how to write my address. For at least 20 seconds or more I could not figure out how to write it. I think that is the scariest symptom of all. It doesn't happen often, but when it does It unnerves me and saddens me so much.

Dr Ouchie found no evidence in my brain for Alzheimer's

Still, I'm trying to get used to all this and realized OK, This is new and frustrating and painful, but somehow I still have to get things done. So it takes me longer.

I also have realized that not everyone is going to understand how one minute I can be fine and the next be dead tired or in pain. Some days the pain is relentless, but I tell no one. I don't want to be that person who complains about her ailments every single minute of the day.

Lastly, I am trying to make plans and trying new things. I have to.

 i have to have something to look forward to.

I went climbing/zip lining with my family... I of course was on the baby course frantically trying NOT to fall from a height that I could probably easily jump from. While my kids were high in the trees in the expert courses, The hubster stayed with me.

I recently went back to my doctor for my yearly physical. She said " Hmmm, sometimes depression sets in as pain. I can prescribe an anti depressant. I told her "I'm not in pain because I'm sad, I'm sad because I'm in pain"

It does get to me that even though I have two expert doctors that say yes, there is something wrong here, but we don't exactly know what it is; my primary Doc, (who I like by the way) believes essentially that its all in my head. That is the most frustrating part of this all....trying to convince them...I'm in pain and the pain is real.

I have to make more appointments, see more doctors and explain all over again.

I'm so tired of all that.

But what else can I do?

I have started making plans and setting more goals for myself. I feel accomplished when the smallest errand gets done 'til completion. I feel antsy and do not want to wait for adventures...I want them now. I feel like I'm in a race, but who am I racing against?...I do not know.

All in all, I am moving,

                      I am breathing,

                            My family is healthy

                                 There is food on the table and we have a roof over our heads.


Life so far....I'm here.  

Artsy Fartsy Friday ~~~Stop Motion~ ParaNorman | Building Characters

               
I LOVE stop motion animation . The only thing I LOVE more is the behind-the-scenes peek at how stop motion is made. Today I have found a peek for you! The movie is ParaNorman and the way they create this movie and characters is insanely, incredibly AWESOME! The only thing better would be to be on the set of one of these movies.....

                          So if someone out there is working on one of these masterpieces, I promise I would be as quiet as a mouse...just put me in the corner and let me stay to watch the magic....please!



                        ENJOY...

             
                             Uploaded to YouTube by LAIKA Studios


         Hope you enjoyed your "peek" and it made you feel that childlike curiosity and wonder again!



           Blessings, Joanne

Perfect Moment

             Well, sometimes ...sometimes you have that perfect moment. 


                                  

       
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                    They are rare, but when they happen they are magic

                                                 
                
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You pray and your prayers get answered
                      
You hope and hope turns into a dream come true

You realized that you have been holding your breath with anticipation and finally you can breathe again.

My Son....

He has worked so hard.

He has always had an uphill battle with school.

Nothing, and I mean nothing ever came easy for him.

And sometimes, when he worked his hardest...it often was not enough.

There was never a straight line between points a and b for him.

But he has never ever given up.

He was knocked down so many times and each and every single time he would get up and start over.

He has the kindest heart and prays for others...even those that have wronged him.

He has a laugh that makes me laugh and has an empathetic, sympathetic nature that touches the hearts of those who know him.



So it was my honor and privilege as a mom to tell him the other day that the news of his acceptance had come and that he was going to the College that he dreamt of attending.

He yelled with such Joy and he thanked God and nearly cried with happiness and relief.  

You did it My Sweet Son David. 

I am so very proud of you.

                               and thank you God for that perfect moment