Thursday, December 01, 2011

Letting Go

Yesterday was a rough day.

I had to take my mom to doctor's appointments and it seemed wherever we went took forever. No matter how many magazines an office has or even if they have a TV...a long wait is a long wait.

Then you get your hopes up when they finally call your name but this just means that you will have yet another long wait in the exam room...So we waited and waited, but it could have been worse

This poor guy must have had a really really long wait.


So as the day progressed the angrier I got. Since I was with my mom I could not outwardly show how angry I was. I was not angry at her. I have harbored intense anger at two particular people and whenever I find myself completely overwhelmed with caring for my Mom. I get angry all over again. I get angry and feel guilty that my kids have been affected by these two people. The fact that I have to drag the kids everywhere and that they themselves have done more for my mom than they should....and always with a happy giving heart.... makes me even angrier at those that don't seem to see. I thought about how disappointment has invaded my Mom's heart and mine in the past.  After I dropped her off at her apartment I got in the car and raced to do some grocery shopping. I spoke out loud...

I asked God how could I forgive people when they have not asked for forgiveness? How could I let go of this awful anger I feel and have felt for years and years? I hate this hate I feel ( hate for what they do, not hate for them themselves)  and I feel so defeated when I allow the anger to eat at me.

I raced home to get there just in time for my children's arrival from school.
 my daughter volunteered to decorate the youth house at church and so we raced there. At the main part of the church there was a prayer group being held. I debated going in. I am relatively new to the church and I am not comfortable in new situations especially when I virtually know no one. I walked in and everyone had already sat down. There were prayers for the Church and it's members. It felt good being part of a prayer group again. There were prayers of gratitude and Love for God and his blessings. Then something happened...

The Pastor spoke and said "I just feel that God wants me to pray about this so I am just going to say it...I want to pray for anyone here that might be holding a grudge or having trouble with forgiveness."

I swallowed hard and willed my face to not turn red.

I had my answer. This was no coincidence.  They were praying for me and they didn't even know it. So as I prayed for others there that might be going through the same anguish...I let the hate go. I said goodbye to the anger. With the help of people that I don't even know I said OK Lord here I am and I am letting go and I'm doing this your way.


  1. Hi Joanne,
    Yes girl, you were meant to go there. So glad that burden has been lifted for you. I so hate waiting forever at the Dr's also. Hate waiting in the exam room even more. I always think, "wonder what they would think if I kept them waiting this long." Guess their time is much more important. lol! Oh well, that's just the way it is I guess. Hope your mom is improving daily. You are always so sweet and complimentary on my blog. Thank you so much! Love visiting you!

  2. YES!!!!! What a wonderful story! You know, we were just talking about this tonight at prayer meeting. Forgiveness can be so HARD. But we must say we forgive even if we don't feel it. Our emotions are not to be trusted, they get us into trouble. So we say we forgive and mean the words, and we feel what we feel. We take it on faith. Because unforgiveness will eat us up, while the ones we can't forgive go about their lives in fine fettle. And we can't let them have that power over us. You are right where God wants you to be, He has shown you that in an amazing way. And he has also led you to this church with a powerful sign. God is GOOD!! Remember, the others may have not done their part, that is on their conscience. But the bible tells us that NOTHING we do for God is ever forgotten by Him!!! End of sermon. Sorry if I went on too long!

  3. @ Ginny~ Oh Ginny your comment nearly made me cry. Yes, I do believe God has lead us to this Church! GOD is indeed GOOD!

  4. Wow Joanne. I love that He showed you He was there in your corner...listening....caring....And I really appreciate your honesty. Hey have the best day ever today.

  5. What a great confirmation. I just love it when He does things like that.

  6. Hi Everyone, the following comment was sent to me and she wanted to remain anonymous so I have removed her name from the comment. Please please pray for her and her daughter.

    anonymous said...
    ~~your words hit home. I am going through something like this with my very grown daughter. I am angry, and I am hurt that she is not worried and I cannot sleep. Her surgery has once again put off. She has Cancer in her Kidney and needed to remove half as soon as possible and it is already the third week and she was sent home yesterday because they did not have the blood type she needed. I think something is fishy but she appears not to be worried..So I cannot sleep and she was mad because at 7AM I woke her up. So I have no one to turn to or talk to except I guess you. Your story hit me as if yours was like mine in a way.....I did not want to put it on my blog. I did not want my daughter to read it. Thanks for allowing me to come to your house instead. We need a few prayers as well.

  7. Dear Anonymous
    I know from my own bout with cancer that I didn't want to worry the people around me. But that was impossible. As a Mom I know I would have probably done the same thing. It's hard because I guess we will always look at our children as just that...our children. And that protective instinct just does not go away just because they are grown. The best thing that my Sister-in-law did was say "Ok, tell me what can I do" and she would ask that until I felt comfortable asking. My prayers are with you and I will put in a prayer request at church as well. If you have an e-mail and would like to "talk" through there please do not hesitate to leave it in the comments. I will not publish it.
    Blessings, Joanne

  8. @ Ma~ You are so right!!!Amen sista!

  9. @ Sarah (Nikki)~ Thanks Sarah, You have a great day too!

  10. That my dear friend is known as divine intervention. I have experienced it on more than one occasion.
    I know how you feel with waiting in a doctor's office. At one of my appts Tues, my appt was for 3:20 and I finally got taken to the room at 4 and the doctor strolled in about 4:45. He shook my hand and apologized saying he was running late as he had just returned from a cruise to South America.

  11. It's hard letting go of anger. I still have some that I wrestle with. I'm glad you heard that prayer.


  12. You certainly received confirmation that you should let the hard feelings go. It isn't always easy, but it is always the right thing to do. I'm happy for you that you received support. The Lord sent it without delay, as He does, I believe, when we come to Him with an open heart. God bless!

  13. @ Beth~I agree! Now aboiut waiting so long at the doc's...maybe you should have asked him "well, did ya bring me back anything from your cruise?" LOL! It can be very frustrating especailly when you have other things to do that day. UGH!

    @ ~ Thank You Robyn!

    @ Claudia~ I know it is not easy. I have a feeling that I will wrestle with it for a long time, but as Ginny says the person that we are angry at most of the time they are just living their lives and we are the ones stewing and suffering with the hurt. It is hard though isn't it?I hope it gets better for you too Claudia.

    @ Lisa Ricard Claro~ Well said and thank you!

  14. Amen! It is not easy to let go of stuff but God is the answer...

  15. You brought tears to my eyes! We are so the same I get a little shy and feel awkward at new situation especially at the new church I just joined also. I just could feel his hands guiding me to join the woman's group and then one day to ask to sit next to this lady. It was the best thing I've done.

    Many Blessings to you my dear. I'm one that can't let go and hold a grudge to things that have been done to me. I know I'm suppose to forgive but it's so hard.


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