Letting Go

Yesterday was a rough day.

I had to take my mom to doctor's appointments and it seemed wherever we went yesterday...it took forever. No matter how many magazines an office has or even if they have a TV...a long wait is a long wait.

Then you get your hopes up when they finally call your name but this just means that you will have yet another long wait in the exam room...So we waited and waited, but it could have been worse

This poor guy must have had a really really long wait.

                                                      



So as the day progressed the angrier I got. Since I was with my mom I could not outwardly show how angry I was. I was not angry at her. I have harbored intense anger at two particular people and whenever I find myself completely overwhelmed with caring for my Mom. I get angry all over again. I get angry and feel guilty that my kids have been affected by these two people. The fact that I have to drag the kids everywhere and that they themselves have done more for my mom than they should....and always with a happy giving heart.... makes me even angrier at those that don't seem to see. I thought about how disappointment has invaded my Mom's heart and mine in the past.  After I dropped her off at her apartment I got in the car and raced to do some grocery shopping. I spoke out loud...

I asked God how could I forgive people when they have not asked for forgiveness? How could I let go of this awful anger I feel and have felt for years and years? I hate this hate I feel ( hate for what they do, not hate for them themselves)  and I feel so defeated when I allow the anger to eat at me.

I raced home to get there just in time for my children's arrival from school.
 my daughter volunteered to decorate the youth house at church and so we raced there. At the main part of the church there was a prayer group being held. I debated going in. I am relatively new to the church and I am not comfortable in new situations especially when I virtually know no one. I walked in and everyone had already sat down. There were prayers for the Church and it's members. It felt good being part of a prayer group again. There were prayers of gratitude and Love for God and his blessings. Then something happened...

The Pastor spoke and said "I just feel that God wants me to pray about this so I am just going to say it...I want to pray for anyone here that might be holding a grudge or having trouble with forgiveness."

I swallowed hard and willed my face to not turn red.

I had my answer. This was no coincidence.  They were praying for me and they didn't even know it. So as I prayed for others there that might be going through the same anguish...I let the hate go. I said goodbye to the anger. With the help of people that I don't even know I said OK Lord here I am and I am letting go and I'm doing this your way.