Monday, February 13, 2012

Maxi Zoom Dweebie

If you are a woman  in your late 30's or 40's you know The 80's movies that made us sigh and rush out to get the soundtrack.

In more than one the star was Molly Ringwald.

In almost all of them I recognized myself in NOT the main character, ( the usually misunderstood girl from the wrong side of the track)...But the nerd.

Yep, If I were in the movie Pretty in Pink I would not be Andie


                           I'd be Ducky.

In the movie Sixteen Candles I would not be Samantha...

I'd be the girl that had the neck brace and wore the tacky sweater.

If their is a step...I will trip over it

If there is wet paint, puddle, or spilt anything chances are that I will wear it, step in it or gasp....caused it.

I, my friends  (to quote Judd Nelson in the Movie The Breakfast club) am a Neo Maxi Zoom Dweebie. A nerd. A First class Klutz.

     The breakfast Club

I have come to accept this fact. I am the most klutzy, accident prone person on the planet.

              and all of my family has accepted that fact too.

Years and years ago when I was just getting to know my In-laws I remember their worried glances and concerned sighs ( not for me , but for my poor husband!)

The first night I went to have dinner at my in laws. I misplaced my car keys. soon everyone was on the front lawn shining flashlights trying to find the missing keys.

            Where were the keys?

                         IN THE STINKIN' CAR DOOR!

Later when my sister-in-law was at my apartment I bent to pick up something I had dropped and came up with fake flowers that had gotten tangled in my hair....couldn't get them out!

While waiting for a train in Penn station new york I got up from my seat and forgot that I had a tray of cold lasagna in corningware on my lap. The crash is still echoing there as I write this.

I have caught myself snoring on trains and woke up to see people looking at me like this...

I dropped all the change in my purse while trying to get on a New York bus.
and can I tell you... New Yorkers love having to wait at rush hour for a girl scooping up her nickles and dimes.

While at a General PTA meeting I went to the front to grab a cup of coffee only to drop the milk and drench the table!

I could go on , but you get the picture.Yesterday The pastor of my Church presented me with my Baptismal Certificate. 

He asked me to walk up.

                  I did.

He gave me a hug.

            So sweet.


His microphone got stuck to my sweater and came off and got tangled there!

I heard audible gasps from some of the congregation.

People, I was in a panic. My head was spinning.

I couldn't get it off!

There I was in front of the whole congregation with the pastor's microphone stuck to me!

Get it off!!! I screamed in my head! "Get it off Joanne!" I had visions of having to continue his sermon myself. I almost went into TV medical show mode...

Get me a scissor...Stat!

Finally after several tries was able to unwind it.

I went back to my seat. Did I want to crawl under a rock? hardly. This is an everyday event in my world. What I did want to do is ask "I can have a do over?" But no, what's done is done. As Popeye used to say "I yam what I yam"... and that's that.

Later when I met up with my Daughter (who was at her Youth group during my faux pas ) I said to her "You are never going to believe what happened to me today!"

She said "What'd you do?...fall?"

My family knows me so well...and soon my church family will too....hmmmm do ya think they'll revoke my membership?! Next week look for the post titled...

"Breakin' Chairs and derri√®res "

                                      Friends, it's inevitable


  1. Great post! LOL I wish you well.

  2. My advice to that congregation...take out more too.

    1. LOL!!!You have just cracked me up!!!!!

  3. Oh my word! What a story. ;-) Well told. =D

  4. Joanne...I was just seriously holding my tummy laughing so hard. You are hilarious!'s true...we are what we are, might as well embrace it. Wish I could have been there. :-)

    1. Tracy Jo, if you were there you would have died laughing!

  5. I know what you went through was trying but I must say, this post was very, very funny. I am sorry Joanne, I was laughing aloud and chuckling mirthfully throughout your ordeals. I hope you can forgive me.

  6. You are EXACTLY like me!!!! I know I have told you about my big visit to the E.R. due to injuries from putting on my underpants. That's right, I can't even dress myself! The doctors were all howling with laughter. If I would have been in that church, I would have laughed out loud!!! I'm sure everyone LOVED it!!

    1. No you didn't tell me that story! Ginny you and I could have been sisters!!!LOL!

  7. That was so funny. It is so slapstick. I like that you can laugh at yourself and still share your stories making others laugh. You might be clumsy but you have a talent for turning your experiences into laughter for others. Happy Valentine's Day!

  8. Sixteen Candles, I loved that movie! And I loved the neck brace chick:)

  9. Thank you for the giggles this morning! You are something else! Please be careful! (PS: Congrats on your baptism!)

  10. Oh my gosh! You are a klutz. The solution to lost keys? Like I tell my wife all the time: If you don't want to lose your keys, always keep them in the same place. It's been a rare time when I've lost my keys and when I have it's usually not my fault. (I sound so self-righteous.)

    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z

  11. What a hoot! haha! I can relate to your misfortunes. I was visiting my mom's last Friday and dropped something on her end table's glass top and shattered it to pieces then dripped chocolate down the insides of one of her Valentine's gift bags. My knickname at my parent's house is "crash boom bam." The life of a klutz, right?

  12. I know you are not alone in your clutz-world. Things like that happen, but it seems you have a truly honed talent here. Congratulations on your profession of faith! I am sure the pastor will figure out to give you wide berth.


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