F is for~~Fender Bender-s

source

 Life is funny and weird. 

    a few years ago

         As I parked the car something told me to ask my son to scoot over and get out on the other side along with my daughter. As I walked to join them, a woman in a red car tried to park in the space next to me and scraped the entire side of my car.  She then backed up causing more damage then sped off...I called the police and that was that. I realized later what a miracle it was that I asked my son to get out on the right side of the car. He might have been hit by this idiot.

I counted my blessings and off to the Doctors the next day for my appointment in the city. My Hubby had to stay home with the kids.  He offers me his car...I said no. "I am too used to my own car" I said.  I am in the city with a car that looked like it should be in the Sanford and Son junk yard and I could care less. I wanted in and out of the appointment and back home. 

             After the appointment.... 

I drive toward the bridge and WHAMMMOOOOO!!!! I get rear ended. OK substitution of potty words underway....
            
                           "Sugar!"    
               
                               "Son of a Beansprout!"

                                              "Mother Freedom!"

              How could this be...Two accidents in two days??? What The Freedom is going on here!?

I got out of the car and I slammed the door. The guy who hit me furiously gets out of his car and he is wearing the most ridiculous pants I have ever seen! Bright Baggy orange pants with polka dots and weird designs. Across the bridge of his nose lay the biggest pair of joke glasses I have ever seen! His hair was spikey and sprayed with glitter. Ladies and gentlemen I was hit by a CLOWN. I'm not kidding. A FREAKIN' clown!. I think the only reason he wasn't wearing big floppy shoes was because then he wouldn't be able to drive...maybe he should have worn them.

 He saw me, a woman, and he instantly started to stir up some pseudo macho attitude with me. Like everyone who stopped at the light was wrong and he was right.....he cursed  "Sugar, I don't need this Freedom aggravation " this and "I hate driving in this Mother Freedom city!"  That.  As he cursed he flapped his arms around (like a psycho chicken) his ruffly sleeves made shiny waves in the air. Then he growled and cursed how he was late for work and that someone was going to pay if he lost his job! My blood was boiling. I was going to let him have it! I wanted to choke him by twisting that insanely huge ruffled collar and watching his head pop off. 

But alas the fear of a video on YouTube of a crazed woman in the middle of the street pummeling some child's party entertainment stopped me. When he realized that tough guys don't wear big baggy orange pants (oh and saw that the cops had arrived) he settled down and apologized. I called my husband and all he could say was...

                 "WHA????" and "Only you Joanne...only you."  I got the car home... and thank God it was still drivable until we could get it fixed. However I did decide not to drive the rest of the week. Not because I was hurt or scared.....I was just NOT willing to take a chance on having a head on collision with an Elvis impersonator.