Translation

"The Women" a great movie and very funny too! Much better than it's recent re-make
Source

        While on line today I couldn't help listening to two women making small talk. The double and hidden meaning behind what they were really saying was hysterical! I am always in awe of what women say and don't say...what I mean it's like we have a language all our own. Is it because we are nurturers and naturally don't want to hurt anyone? Do we always say what we mean?  It is hard. There is definitely a code and women are experts in this code. For those who might not understand here is a a sort of translator. Real words will be in BLUE and the translation will be in RED


Let's start off with an easy one


when a women is acting a bit cold but when asked says "there's nothing wrong"....THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG!

When a woman says "Oh wow that's an interesting outfit you got there..where did you get it?"
Trans: "What the Eff are you wearing and please tell me where you got that hideous thing so I don't shop there ever!"

"Well he might have a good reason for coming home late every night"
Trans: "The bastard is cheatin'.  Are you blind?"

"Awe little Timmy is so rambunctious!"
Trans: "Your kid is out of control...do SOMETHING!"

"Oh let me check my schedule and get right back with you."
Trans: "I need some time to make up a good excuse."

"Oh I'll just have a tiny bit, I'm dieting"
Trans: "It smells or looks horrible...I think I'll be able to choke down one spoonful"

"You know I think you are the only one who can pull off wearing that color!"
"Neon green looks good on NO ONE!"

"The little red light just came on in the car"
"I've ignored the little red light for three months now"

"OK I really shouldn't be telling you this but..."
"As soon as I heard I ran three blocks in heels and ran up four flights of stairs to give you the dirt"

"Your Kid is going to be an artist!"
"Your brat just wrote on my walls!"

A wife turns to her husband and says
                                  "Aw Hun they don't want to hear about that right now sweetums"
                                  "Shut UP MORON SHUT UP!!!"

"Oh I don't believe that My son would do that!"
"He does it all the time."

"Oh sure come right over, but I just need a few minutes to tidy up."
"My house looks like Crap and I need time to dump all the clutter in the closet."

"This blouse size runs small I think"
"Yodels and Funny bonz have definitely caught up with me"

"I am throwing a little party get-together and I have a surprise to show you!"
"I'm selling make-up! It's a Mary Kay Party run!"

"Oh the bridesmaid's dress is something you will definitely wear again totally worth the 500 dollars!"
"Kiss that 500 goodbye."

And NUMBER ONE...."Its not you- it's me."
                                      "Oh it's SOOOOOOOOOO YOU!!!!!!!" 


OK, Ive taken ten minutes to think about it and I'm going to call my friend and tell her that I just can't go to another one of her selling over-priced stuff parties...
                     (Dialing the phone)

            "Hi, It's me.  Listen,  I ca........I........well... what I mean to say is .......about your party........I.......won't.........I won't miss it for the world!  See you there!"  Drats  ugh!