Monday, May 09, 2011

Crushing Crush


Well, It's Monday and I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's day. This week I think I will write about awkward moments. You know the ones; those embarrassing moments in life that make you want to dig a hole and hide away from the world? or Moments when something happens and you are well... sort of put in a awkward situation. This week I dedicate this blog to that part of us that's sometimes red-faced and know...Human.

He lived in my neighborhood. He was always on his bike or skateboard. He was a tall skinny boy with pimples and braces.....and I was in love; hopelessly, head over heels in love. I would spend hours hoping he'd pass by my building. Often he would whizz by on his skateboard. I'd gaze out my window sighing and praying that he would look up and wave. I must have spent hours walking around my neighborhood just wishing for a glimpse of him.

I thought about him all the time.

I wrote about him in my diary.

I was fifteen and he was the ONE.

No one knew that I LOVED him. It would get back to him most definitely, and that would be bad....

Because he didn't  know I was alive.

                         Well, he DID know that I was alive, but he didn't notice me much I guess. The whole bunch of us would hang out sometimes and I would try really hard to not stare too much or laugh too hard at his jokes ( a dead give-away that you liked a boy).

Later that year I heard the most wonderful news. He and his girlfriend had broken up amicably, because she moved away. This was my chance. And the upcoming church dance would be my opportunity to shine. My Church sponsored teen dances and he was going to be there!

I had my hair styled
I bought a cool new outfit
I wore a new perfume

I just knew that he would notice me.

The night of the dance the church hall was transformed
The thump thump thump of the music was exciting, but all I could think of was walking in and seeing him. Yep he was there, all 90 pounds of him
He looked gorgeous. My heart raced. I didn't want to be obvious so I hung out mostly at the other end pretty much ignoring him altogether. He and a few other friends came over and we all talked loudly over the music. He looked at me and said

"Hey you cut your looks good."

               what I heard was

"Hey you cut your hair I love you with all my heart."

He spoke to me! Oh I was sooooooo gonna be his girlfriend! As the night went on everyone danced and had a great time. I danced, but not with the one I really wanted to dance with. The D.J. announced that he was about to play the last song of the night.

I looked across the floor and I could see my crush, my love walking toward me. The song was slow and very romantic. Always and Forever was playing and my heart began to race. He was walking closer. I started to smile.

This was it ...he would take my hand ...and we would dance our first dance together. My dream would come true. He walked closer and my smile couldn't be bigger. When he finally got to my side of the floor he asked my friend if she would like to dance.

 I stood there as he took her hand and danced slowly with her. I stood there alone as the song finished. I stood there as I saw him kiss her cheek. I could feel my heart breaking. I was mortified as my friend came back to stand next to me while holding his hand.  Later my friend asked me what I thought of the boy she danced with.

I said "He's OK I guess." If I had told her the truth; I would have cried and my secret would have been out for all to see.

I think of my daughter who is thirteen and I hope her first broken heart (in the far far far future I hope) will be eased by a Mom who has truly been there.


  1. What a story, full of innocence and sweetness. Not only was your heart broken, but no one knew it, so you could get no sympathy. It's great to be young, but being a teenager, with all the insecurities, is just plain hard.

  2. No boys till she's 35! That's what I'm tellin' mine;)

  3. aw what a heartbreaking story :( so sad. I hope my son never breaks anyone's heart or get his broken either but i know it is all part of growing up

  4. I really ride my son to be thoughtful of girls feelings. I wish more moms would be hard on their sons to make them into men. Great post!

  5. Oh boy... I know exactly how you feel! I once had the same kind of crush. I think I was about 10 or 11. I asked him to dance with me myself and he said NO!!! Needless to say, I never asked a boy to dance with me again!

  6. There is nothing like our first teen age love. A great story!

  7. Oh hun, the build up and then break down. You'll be an awesome mom to save that hard moment.

    Oh boy the things we do to ourselves over silly boys! hehe

  8. Yes, we all have to go through these heart breaks of life?? Worth it in the long run

  9. What a sweet post, such heartbreak and emotion, but who hasn't been there? My daughter is twelve and I wish I could shield her from those moments, but I know that are the moments and events that shape us - so I'll just there to pick up the pieces and glue that heart back together with my hugs.

  10. Awww, been there. Also a few years forward and been there again with the friend that KNEW you liked him - double heartbreak. All part of the painful process of growing up I guess.
    Wagging Tales - Blog for Writers

  11. @ Ginny~ You are so right. being a teen is rough especially now-a-days.

    @ Ma~ Oh if only they would listen to that rule!!!

    @ Becca~ Oh your Son is so cute he's bound to break a heart or two, but never intentionally. With a Mom like you he is going to be very sensitive to other's and their feelings.

    @ Snakesmom~ that is so awesome that your teaching your son that!

    @ Lena~ His Loss!

    @ Beth~ You are so right about never forget your first crush.

    @ Alexis AKA MOM~ I got a diary full!!!LOL

    @ Kim @ Stuff could~ Yes they make us stronger

    @ Debora~ Awww that is so sweet!

    @ Charmaine Clancy~ Oh I know. such hard feelings at such a tender age!

  12. Oh the things we have to go through to grow up! We always hope we'll be spared the heartache, but, it always manages to find us. I hate embarrassing moments!

  13. I am comforted by the fact that my first crush in now a dog-catcher in a rural town back east.


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