Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Have You Heard of the Tiger Mom?

They just don't seem to go together
        Recently A friend asked if I had heard about the Tiger mom. I had heard of the name but not about her theory. Since my focus on the news has been The turmoil in Egypt I hadn't really paid attention to the new buzz about the Tiger Mom. So I did some research. Quite frankly I take any new advice about raising my children with a grain of salt. The last thing I need is for someone who doesn't know me or my methods of parenting to tell me yet again that I've got it all wrong.

Now I hear from this Tiger Mom that I should be more strict, (OK more like a tyrannical Dictator) in fact she lists an example of rejecting a handmade card that her daughter made for her stating that she wanted something with more depth. She also states that she made her daughter practice a piece on her instrument for hours without water breaks until her daughter got it right....well isn't that just wonderful. Now I am not one of those mamby pamby moms that allow my kids to do whatever, whenever they want.  They are expected to study and to try their best. I encourage not demand.

I try to see the other side and I get what she is saying...she wants her kids to be successful and she feels we here are dropping the ball....Ok I see her side....BUT....Here's my problem with the Tiger Mom. Where is the compassion? I am sure she loves her kids but where is that love? Is she teaching them to only love power and status? Being perfect is the most important objective? I cannot fathom receiving a home made card from my child and saying "Thats not good enough I deserve better". I could only imagine the heartbreak of that little girl.

There is a lot of talk about "We have to get our kids ready for the future...It's a dog eat dog world out there" and that "They have to compete and be ready to fight their way up." Well, I do want my kids to be successful, I help them and they are great students. They both play an instrument (their choice) they both play sports (that they love; not that I push on them). The difference is that not every minute of every day is molded to push them to perfection. They fall and make mistakes and they are taught that its ok. They learn and move on. I want them to look back at their childhood and say it was a great one. I want them to have a compassionate heart and  that starts with ME.

 I don't want them to look back and remember only that I pushed and demanded them to be perfect in school. I am their Mom. I am supposed to be the one they come to when all the crap out there gets to be too much. I am their soft place. Their Welcome home smile and also their guide to learning about what is important in life. God, Family, and Love. They already have a good work ethic, but they also have fun through learning too.  Children learn best through abstract thinking I believe. In play or at school the most rewarding times are when they are allowed to find the problem out through experimentation not through rote repetitive shoved learning.

 Reading about her and her methods only strengthens my own confidence in how I am parenting. I am not saying my methods are the best...they are best for me and my family and a whole lot of families out there, and with God's help we will continue to do so.  There has got to be a perfect meeting of the mommy minds sort of speak. Between Mamby Pamby and Cruel dictator. In the future I wonder if Tiger Mom will find that rejected card and look at the colors and wobbly writing, the cute drawing or perhaps even the way Mom is written softly in Pink and say It was perfect just the way it was.


  1. You do a wonderful job at expressing your ideas. I totally agree with you. You are right on the money. I wonder if someday a book will come out that is daughters being in recovery from being raised by tiger moms.

  2. @Retired English Teacher~LOL I bet there will be!

  3. I think you are doing a fine job raising your kids. Tiger mom hopefully will come to see the error of her ways before it is too late.
    Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. I hope you will visit me again. I will be following your blog from now on.

  4. @Beth~Thank you for your sweet comment!And yes I will visit you often too!

  5. Thank you for visiting my blog. I enjoyed browsing through your blog. I agree with your ideas about raising kids and it sounds like you are doing a great job.

  6. Well the trouble for Tiger Mom is, demanding perfection is futile if not just plain crazy. What happens when her kids realize that failure, is not only inevitable, but a perpetual sequence in life? Will they be traumatized by bittersweet truth or will they be ready for it? I agree with you that everyone should be open-minded before they readily reject the argument, but I'm sorry I have the kids in mind when I say, "No Tiger mom. Just NO." I'm Asian, and I can see the source of her totalitarianism. A lot of my Asian friends have it a lot worse than I do. But after having been exposed to that type of lifestyle from birth until the 18th year of my life (present day) I realized that materialistic or even the societal standard for success is far below what a child should strive for. It's good to aspire for success, but ruling your own 500 fortune company isn't everything. Neither is Straight As on a report card (this is a philosophy I gained after having watched the Bergman film, "Wild Strawberries").

    I'm sorry for the ramble. I enjoyed this post, but I actually kind of got suspicious afterwards. Tiger Mom is ubiquitous when it comes to the media nowadays, and I'm wondering why so much coverage.

  7. @Barb~ Thank you for your sweet comments.

    Leila~ Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog. I think the coverage comes from the fact that we moms are always under scutiny, being questioned and told no this is right and that is right. We want what is best for our children and when someone like the Tiger Lady comes around and pretty much says "You are doing this parent thing all WRONG" well it strikes a nerve....a raw frayed one. Not to mention the examples of her methods slap us with disbelief. We sort of respond with a protective roar sort of like a....tiger.

  8. I never heard of this. This seems way off to me. I will admit I could be more soft at times. It is hard to balance everything with six kiddos here all day, but I rest on the Lord for strength.

    Thanks for visiting and commenting at my place. I'll have a look 'round here:)

  9. i believe in being strict, but Tiger Mom is way beyond being a parent who should show compassion. if we dictate and make our children be perfect in their actions/activities then what might that child feel about themselve as well as their parent. thumbs up to you. rose


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