|They just don't seem to go together|
Now I hear from this Tiger Mom that I should be more strict, (OK more like a tyrannical Dictator) in fact she lists an example of rejecting a handmade card that her daughter made for her stating that she wanted something with more depth. She also states that she made her daughter practice a piece on her instrument for hours without water breaks until her daughter got it right....well isn't that just wonderful. Now I am not one of those mamby pamby moms that allow my kids to do whatever, whenever they want. They are expected to study and to try their best. I encourage not demand.
I try to see the other side and I get what she is saying...she wants her kids to be successful and she feels we here are dropping the ball....Ok I see her side....BUT....Here's my problem with the Tiger Mom. Where is the compassion? I am sure she loves her kids but where is that love? Is she teaching them to only love power and status? Being perfect is the most important objective? I cannot fathom receiving a home made card from my child and saying "Thats not good enough I deserve better". I could only imagine the heartbreak of that little girl.
There is a lot of talk about "We have to get our kids ready for the future...It's a dog eat dog world out there" and that "They have to compete and be ready to fight their way up." Well, I do want my kids to be successful, I help them and they are great students. They both play an instrument (their choice) they both play sports (that they love; not that I push on them). The difference is that not every minute of every day is molded to push them to perfection. They fall and make mistakes and they are taught that its ok. They learn and move on. I want them to look back at their childhood and say it was a great one. I want them to have a compassionate heart and that starts with ME.
I don't want them to look back and remember only that I pushed and demanded them to be perfect in school. I am their Mom. I am supposed to be the one they come to when all the crap out there gets to be too much. I am their soft place. Their Welcome home smile and also their guide to learning about what is important in life. God, Family, and Love. They already have a good work ethic, but they also have fun through learning too. Children learn best through abstract thinking I believe. In play or at school the most rewarding times are when they are allowed to find the problem out through experimentation not through rote repetitive shoved learning.
Reading about her and her methods only strengthens my own confidence in how I am parenting. I am not saying my methods are the best...they are best for me and my family and a whole lot of families out there, and with God's help we will continue to do so. There has got to be a perfect meeting of the mommy minds sort of speak. Between Mamby Pamby and Cruel dictator. In the future I wonder if Tiger Mom will find that rejected card and look at the colors and wobbly writing, the cute drawing or perhaps even the way Mom is written softly in Pink and say It was perfect just the way it was.