Now I know Why



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"It's going to be Ok...I'm here"



          Woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. My husband...He is home. God bless him. I have stayed in bed just a few more minutes (seems like ten :-)) thinking about this past week and wondering why. I know why now. Today is December 5th. Three years ago (I think it was a Wednesday)  I sat wearing a thin hospital gown while a doctor calmly told me I had to have a biopsy, after his announcement I simply nodded and he simply walked out. I knew then and there I had cancer.  I put my clothes on and drove home. When I saw my husband I broke down and (thank God the Kids were in school) I kept crying about my children and how could I do this to them. It was a bad time. This is the reason I think I haven't been able to sleep. Every year around this time I get nervous and antsy. This is the reason for almost every bad thing that has happened this week. How you ask?...Well I have been tired really tired right? so this has made me also forgetful and very very irritable. Moods are contagious and they spread like cancer. . I forgot my umbrella, dinners got ruined because of my inattentiveness. The snooty lunch lady well, she was just doing her job. She might have gotten in trouble if she hadn't said anything.  I understand. The irate driver in the parking lot? Well, maybe I was driving a bit too slow for him 'cause perhaps he had a sick wife at home and God knew that I was the only one he could curse at and get his frustrations out without getting a into a serious fight; or maybe he was about to have an accident and God put him there to avoid it. I could live with that. The broken down jalopy in front of my house was perhaps some one's last stop on a long trip home....and the car could do no more. This morning it was gone. Now the kids who threw my garbage bags in the street. Shame on you. I will pray that you get your acts together before you go off and do worse, but I know that one day; they themselves will grow up and  have homes and they will have teens in their neighbor hood... and you get the picture right?...heh heh heh (evil snicker).

Now about the coming week....I will first pray and I will go into it with a better attitude. Now that I know what was bothering me I can face those old fears and embrace the miracles that resulted from that hard time in my life. And I will pray for anyone going through cancer or debilitating disease. I will embrace the good no matter how small it may be and I will try to enjoy every moment. Monday...bring it on I'm ready.