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Tuesday, January 04, 2011
I'm Adding a Little Red to My January Blues
January has and always been a tough month for us here in our neck of the woods. Bills fly in and clog the mailbox. The repacking of all my kids home-made ornaments make me a bit sad. The Birth of winter has now become a bone chillin' freeze. January has always meant alot of contemplation and every year the journey of January becomes more convoluted and dire. Dumb. I don't why it has to be that way though. A few days ago Dan at http://anythingatanytime.blogspot.com/ Had a wonderful post about looking ahead and in his post one could actually feel his renewed strength. He wrote with joy. Another Blogger Becca at http://becca-mycrazystuff.blogspot.com/ wrote about her non resolution beliefs and her yearning for people to be satisfied with just who they are. Great Bloggers. Great posts. I feel I fall somewhere in between those sentiments...kind of planted between renewed strength and saying you know what? I am alive, healthy and if the world can't see that as awesome too freakin' bad. When I was first told I had cancer and then I accepted that I had cancer (two very different states of mind I can assure you) I was shoved into the reality that I might leave my kids and Husband....but something else happened. A strength that I had no idea I had (gift of God) and an appreciation of here and now. NOW this moment was the most important moment. I had quietly accepted the fact that "OK, I may die from this...but it won't be today. I will not die today from cancer." I am OK now, and since we cannot possibly live in a state of alarm 24-7... I have settled into a comfortable fluffy state of complacency. Every now and again I need that nudge to let me know hey Joanne this moment is important too; make the best of it now. My Dad used to say Tomorrow is not guaranteed to you...today is what is real. So I have chosen for January to be not a month to just get through. I will enjoy it make the best of it. No dread, no blues. Just greens and whites and in your face celebration reds. Today I am going to take ten minutes to buy some flowers for myself and my Mom. She needs a here and now smile too.